Halsey 'Completely Spiraled' at Start of the Pandemic: 'Breaks My Heart' Not Knowing When I'll Tour

The start of the pandemic was tough for Halsey.

In a new interview with Byrdie, the singer — who recently announced she's expecting a baby with boyfriend Alev Aydin — shared that she "spiraled" at the start of the pandemic and that she worries about not being able to hit the stage soon.

"I completely spiraled," the 26-year-old told the outlet. "I went from waking up and someone text[ing] me a schedule of everything I'm doing that day, every single day, to being home and being like, 'Am I gonna rewatch Euphoria for the fifth time?'" 

Halsey explained that she's been happy to reconnect with friends and family, but that she's ready to get back on the road.

 "This industry is not something that is promised to me," she said. "I don't know when the next time that I'll step on the stage is, to be completely honest with you. I hope it's soon. I have a tour that's scheduled and I wake up every day hoping it doesn't get canceled. But I know it probably will." (A week after the interview, she had to cancel her tour.)

"It breaks my heart not knowing when I'll get to do the thing that I love again," she added. "It makes me wonder, am I losing really important years? But also, if that is true and I ended up only getting to have a couple, I would take having a couple over having none any day."

The singer, who did the interview before revealing her pregnancy, also spoke about the judgment she thought she'd face about wanting to start a family.

"Approaching that 30 benchmark, it's like, 'Okay, what do I want to accomplish in my career? And [don't I] want to start a family?'" Halsey said. "People are going to be like, 'She cares so much about her career, she's going to die alone.' Or if you decide to get married or start a family, people are like, 'She really could have been something if she would have just focused on her career.'"

"Everyone has a specific opinion about what you do by the time you hit a certain age. And now there's the added pressure of having years taken from you, right? Like, 'Oh, man. I'm not winning,'" she added. "So if you're not gonna win, you might as well just do whatever the f— you want." 

The singer — who recently launched her own makeup line, About-Face — also opened up about beauty standards and when she feels the most confident.

"I'm exhausted with this industry of Instagram filters," she said. "It's gotta be damaging to your brain to constantly be looking at yourself through an altered lens and being disappointed with what your face actually looks like. I know what that feels like because when I first started getting publicity of some kind, I would go out and [paparazzi would] take pictures of me. I can't control the angle. I can't control the lighting. I can't control if it's my good side or my bad side. The pictures would come out and I would just have to look at them and go, 'Okay. That's what I look like.' I don't get to change it. I have to make peace with my face."

And in her own life, "I have a pretty good idea of what my 'prettiest' look is, by social standards, but it doesn't mean it's what I want to look like," Halsey explained. "I definitely don't think that my most 'Hollywood' look is when I have a bald head, but it's when I feel the most confident."

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