I caught my married male friend being pleasured by another man

DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS horrified to catch one of my oldest male friends in a compromising position with another man.

I don’t know if I should tell the truth to his wife, who is also one of my best friends.


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I’m 44 and have known this guy for over 20 years, since we were at college together. I’ve known his wife almost as long.

She’s so loyal and thoughtful to everyone around her.

As I am an electrician, and he is a property developer, I often help him out doing jobs on the flats he owns, for mates’ rates.

Last month, he asked if I could go round to one to sort out the wiring in the kitchen.

He gave me the key. But I wasn’t able to make it at the arranged time.

Instead, I popped round the next day and sent him a text to let him know just before. I let myself in and went into the kitchen.

After a few minutes, I could hear noises from the room next door.

Worried there had been a break-in, I quietly opened the door to investigate.

To my horror, there was my friend, with his trousers around his ankles, and another man pleasuring him. They were so wrapped up in each other they didn’t even notice me.

In shock, I backed out of the room, and sent another text saying I’d got sidetracked and wouldn’t have time after all. I then drove straight home.

Since then, my friend has kept asking when I’m going to sort the wiring. I keep saying I’m too busy.

I can’t stop thinking about what I saw — it’s now stopping me from sleeping.

I’m angry with him. It’s such a betrayal of his wife. I don’t know who he is.

So should I tell his wife what I discovered? Would that be cruel to be kind?

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If it was my partner having an affair, I think I’d want to know.

Or should I try to forget what I witnessed and get on with my life?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Catching your married friend, who you thought was straight, having sex with another man will have been a huge shock.

Now you’re wondering if you should tell his wife, as it is preying on your mind.

But if this is just to make yourself feel better, it’s best to leave well alone.

The repercussions this information could cause are vast. It could destroy a whole family.

It is not your place to out him – instead, talk to your friend and tell him you know his secret.

Appeal to him to be honest with his wife about his sexuality. It’s possible that she already knows or suspects.

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Either way, this is their business, not yours. And nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s relationship.

You can show him my support pack Gay Support, which has links to organisations that can advise. He may be living in real turmoil.

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